Day 32: No occasion to wear anything, what is the point of living?

When I first moved to Canada 14 years ago, something that struck me was the way people here dressed. I came from a country where whenever there was an occasion to socialize, such as a birthday party or wedding, people would make sure they would dress up nicely. Here, I found that most people are just too casual. People wear yoga pants to actually go to school or walk on the streets.

As a result, I have developped this 'boring personality' which reflects on the way I dress. I only wear the colors that people here wear which are gray and black. I end up just wearing casual clothes which are simple and just don't make me feel good. When I go to shopping malls and browse at clothes, I find that I end up thinking about 1 major thing which is will I ever wear that as in do I have an occasion to wear it? I find that since I do not have a great social life here where I get to meet and socialize with people etc, I have no use for any clothes.

My life simply revolves around work, seeing my man play tennis, shopping for groceries and occasionally meeting a couple of friends who are themselves casual. For those occasions, I have no chance to dress nicely as in wearing beautiful outfits. I don't see myself wearing  accessories and a chic top just to go buy food. With this attitude, I find that my life is just pointless. I mean it is the daily grind. Work and home. Groceries and that is it. Nothing else to do. I find that days go by and I feel that I have wasted my life away.I have done nothing of purpose to add value to society. I have done nothing to add value to my own life. I don't understand what to do anymore. I feel so lonely and isolated.

It seems that when I look at the world and the way people behave, at least in the city in which I live, there is so much disconnect amongst all of us. People no longer know how to socialize. People no longer share themselves with another one. People will meet and greet and exchange a few words and then move on. I have sought to understand what has caused all that to happen. What I see is that we are reaping the unfortunate consequence of a world system just gone bad. People are surviving and working hard to earn money. Those who do have money don't know how to use it properly. People don't seem interested in socializing because all they care about is how am I going to survive? So many people are currently jobless. That is a sad reality.

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