Day 26: Fear of falling from a cliff

I just woke up this morning to a memory that I had during high school. In that memory, I was climbing the summit of a mountain. The summit was steep and there were only a few grass to hold onto. There were no ropes and the guys who were there to help were only helping us up to a certain extent. I recall while I was trying to get to the summit, my hand was gripping to the grass and the shoes I was wearing was slippery. I was not able to grip to the earth part of the mountain and therefore a couple of times I slid. As a looked down, I could see myself fearing death as if it wasn't for the grass, I would have fallen and killed myself. With some effort and persistence, I slowly managed to climb up to the summit.

For that past few months, fear of death was something that I have been walking. One of my friends had asked me to investigate the time when I was a little girl and see if there was some sort of incident that had happened that would trigger this event in my current life. I do not recall specifically of any child incidences where I thought I was going to die, except when I was at the beach and I was afraid of going into the water.

But it is interesting how today this memory of fear of falling from a cliff/mountain came to me and I instantly realized that it must have been one of the factors that has lead to this current manifestation. Therefore, it is time to self-forgive and let go of those past memories.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attach the element of fear of death to a past event where I had wanted to climb a summit and feared that I would die.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to that memory of fear of death where I now fear that my life will cease if I engage in activities such as mountain climbing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear going into water when I was a little girl because I was scared the tides would carry me away.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear heights.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that every time anxiety comes, I will end up getting a stroke or heart attack.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to read through every symptom of my body and start feeling anxious that I may die.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will suffocate whenever I am among a crowd of people and in an enclosed place where there is no fresh air to breathe.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear suffocating in tunnels and enclosed spaces such as elevators with no air conditioning.

When and as I see myself getting anxious and fearing death, I pause and I breathe. I stabilize myself with breath and affirm to myself to let go of any feeling of anxiety that surge via breathing the anxious thoughts out. I tell myself that my body is fully capable of repairing itself and that there is no reason to fear being in an enclosed area where there is stale air.