Day 11: The people pleaser

The wanting to always please everyone has been a point I have struggled for years. With that, I developed this 'likeability person' where I would shape myself so that I can please someone else by trying my best to become likeable. When that personality backfired, I would go into this energetic state of taking things personally where I would experience unpleasant movement in my body leading to more backchats. Therefore I became a victim and this point has been my predominant manifestation of the mind consciousness system since I was a kid.


 For the past few months, I have tried my best to avoid the people who I felt were very different from me. What came out of this situation was more and more bitterness because now I felt left out and miserable being all by myself. Whenever someone would behave in a way that I would dislike, that would make me sad and more miserable because I am just used to being a victim, created out of the desire to be a likeable person.

So the people pleaser leads to taking things personally which leads to becoming a victim. One recent realization I have come to understand is that it is ridiculous to please everyone because this is a belief that the mind wants us to do to self-sabotage. The truth is we can't control what another being things of us. People will decide if they want to hate or love or just accept us for who we are. Therefore, how can we fix this flaw to ensure that we can function effectively as a team at work?

The 'people pleaser' is definitely something leading to self sabotage. First, it is impossible to please everyone because every being comes with their own perceptions and beliefs. For instance, I was reading some post made by an individual on a forum. The post in itself was positive as in it was congratulating people for taking a step to lead a better life. Most people were in favor of that with one exception. One person found the post very insulting because their interpretation of it was :"Are you telling me that I didn't know what I was doing?" They automatically assumed that the post was rendering them as a person who didn't make use of their brain while taking a decision.

That was definitely an eye opener for me. It made me realize that no matter how nice you can be and no matter how great your intentions are, the truth is that there are people out there who just will never agree. This has nothing to do with you, the being. It is more of a reflection of who they are. You, the being, are just providing a trigger for the other person to react to. That incident also made me realize one more thing. While most people saw the reading for what it was, as in, being congratulated for doing something good for them, a few (in this case 1) didn't agree. Yet, it is fascinating how this one/a few outliers are the ones we tend to put a lot of focus and weight one. We don't focus on the fact that most people actually saw it for what it was.

This situation parallels my work situation where I feel negative about wanting to go back to work because of a few people. Yet, the majority of them are really great to be around and nice to talk to. The mind however seems to want to preoccupy itself with the few that are able to fuel it with energy via backchats. It is also interesting how the mind wants to manipulate and cause more anxiety. I  have been on medical leave for 5 weeks now, but every single moment my mind has been preoccupied with work. I  have been trying to read a book to get my mind to at least focus on the present but even that has been really challenging.

Despite all, I am committed to once for all, changing myself by doing my self corrective applications. Even if that will take me time, I am in the process of being in the 'now'.