Day 8 and 9: The Fear of making a lot of money

I just finished listening to a really great interview on The fear of making a lot of money and I must say that this audio is definitely something we should all hear. This audio  made me question where I stand in relationship to money and I came to the realization that there are indeed several dimensions to consider.

Since my early age, I have always been told : "You must not marry someone who is poor or rich. He must be in the middle. The reason is because if he is too rich then he won't care about you and you will have a miserable marriage. Also if he is too poor, well obviously he won't be able to support you. Money is therefore the root of all evil."

This stayed with me a long time and it almost became a belief where now I fear my husband getting rich because I fear him leaving. Also, I was imagining my own brother having a lot of money and again I began to fear that happening because he has always been given money and never had to struggle to earn it. Therefore, if he came across tons of money, how will he suddenly react to it? What will he do with it? Will he end up going in the wrong direction? What if he marries a woman who only wants him due to his money and she ditches him after? All this backchat came into  my mind and the weird thing is when I imagined myself having a lot of money, I also went into this anxious mode where I am like : "ok, what am I going to do with all this?" I felt as if I was not ready to get a lot of money and also in a way, I felt some form or unworthiness.

The interesting thing is that this situation has not even happened. But just the thought of it made me wonder and made me realize that obviously I have some insecurities around money. It almost seems as if you wish you didn't come across a big sum of money so that you can remain in your own comfort zone for the rest of your life. How interesting, considering the fact that we all want to win the lottery but at the same time we have a lot of fears around having a lot of money.

Here are some dimensions to consider:

1. Fear of abandonment from relationship
2. Fear that one will always be harassed by other agencies like the govt
3. Fear of the unknown- not knowing what to do with all this money
4. Fear that everything will go to taxes and that one will be left with hardly any
5. Fear that people will rob your  money
6. Disbelief: lack of confidence in self to achieve that amount of money
7. Society: It is sinful to have a lot of money as you will not be liked and popular
8. If you have a lot of money that means you are an arrogant person
9. Not able to trust self with being able to deal with money
10. It is better to just accept whatever you have and not strive to do any better in terms of money
11. Money is the root of all evil
12. People won't like girls who are materialistic. So just be simple and guys will like you.
13. Making millions is like the impossible dream. It it so far fetched for me and I will never make it
14. Fear kids will end up being spoilt and rotten

 Self Forgiveness:

I forgive myself for allowing myself to fear that if I  make a lot of money that my partner will no longer be with me.
I forgive myself for allowing myself  to fear that I will be harassed by officials such as govt agencies and charities
I forgive myself for allowing myself to fear the unknown as to what shall I do with all the money I have
I forgive myself for allowing myself to experience anger and frustration at the notion that most of the money will end up going to the government so why at all work hard to earn it if you will lose half of it
I forgive  myself for allowing myself to fear that people may steal your money
I forgive myself for allowing myself to experience disbelief that I will not be able to ever earn that much  money because I just do not have that much confidence in myself
I forgive myself for allowing myself to allow society to rule me over such that I will not be liked and be popular because I have too much money, or I will be liked for the wrong reason such as being used because I have a lot of money
I forgive myself for allowing myself to believe that those who have a lot of money are arrogant and too vain and should not exist
I forgive myself for allowing myself to not be able to trust me in my abilities to manage my money if it is too much.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to live with the limiting belief that one should only be grateful for what one already has, and therefore limit myself to not allow my potentials to develop and grow and therefore live the rest of my life in mediocre. 
I forgive myself for allowing myself to believe that money is the root to all evil because a lot of money makes people break hearts or engage in activities which only breed greed.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to believe that women should not be materialistic, but rather just simplistic or else they are not real women.And if they are materialistic then they are not the type of women who should exist
I forgive myself for allowing myself to believe that if a woman is materialistic then that means that men will not like or marry her
I forgive myself for allowing myself to believe that becoming a multi millionaire or billionaire is just too far fetched and that I will never make it, so give up and never bother even dreaming about it.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to fear that if my kids are brought up in a wealthy family then they will become too spoilt and do drugs and never will be humble or compassionate.

When and as I see myself expressing anger, fear, guilt, embarrassment, disbelief from wanting to make a lot of money, I pause and I breathe. I tell myself that all these backchats are nothing but simply preprogrammed belief systems put in place from the collective mindset of society and creation to attempt to create a reality pathway where I am just satisfied with what I have, therefore robbing me of opportunities to do something of value in this life, like standing up for oneness and equality.

When and as I see myself participating in backchats where I judge others who have a lot of money, I stop and I breathe. I tell myself that these are simply my beliefs and perceptions and do not depict reality and since I can't find for myself if my perceptions are true or not, then I am not going to participate in beliefs that I can't prove.

When and as I see myself not wanting a lot of money because of the fear that government and charities will spy on me, I pause and I breathe. I realize that these agencies are simply part of a system which is designed to keep people in check and this is something we have all collectively accepted and allowed. I therefore commit to accepting the fact that there are no secrets on this planet and in the universe and that money is simply a renewable resource. Therefore, since I can't control what agencies are doing, I commit to ensuring that I stand one and equal to the system in place, and perform whatever duties within the system which needs to be performed to ensure that there is no disruption in my financial consequence.

When and as I see myself  fearing that my kids will end up being spoilt, I pause and I breathe. I commit to ensuring that I teach my kids the values that they will need to become effective kids and beings on this planet. I also commit to not indulging in behavior that promote consumerism but use the money in a way which will benefit all.

When and as I see myself fearing being liked or disliked because of my money, I pause and I breathe. I tell myself that people who decide to like me or not has nothing to do with me, but rather what they wish to do. I am simply reflecting to people what they are accepting and allowing. I commit to continue to remain true to who I am, develop humility and compassion, and continue to assist mankind in whatever way I am able to.