I have constantly throughout my life have tried at many attempts to take the role of the saviour, where if something went wrong or if someone I deeply cared about needed help, I would try to do all I could to help out. This construct had also lead to me taking everyone's problem upon my shoulders and constantly worrying about them all the time.
In my life, there are a few instances where I see that I automatically give into the temptation of just wanting to help. As an elder sister, I find that with my brother whenever he needs to have something done for him, such as getting his loans and tuition fees paid, I immediately stepped to the rescue because initially I did not want him to have any more debts. Therefore I spent a few thousand dollars on helping him out without considering how that decision affects other parts of my life.
Another person who I always try to save is my own mother. Whenever she tells me something where she feels unhealthy or sad, I instantly internalize that and consequently if there is no solution to it, end up feeling overwhelmed and insecure. That also made me go out and do stuffs to attempt to fix the situation so that she would feel better, but in the end, I have come to realize that no matter what I have done or do, it does not fix the root cause of the problem. It is simply putting a plaster on a wound.
My dad also tells me how living paycheque by paycheque affects his future, as he does not know what will happen when he retires with regards to the house. I suggested that I take over the mortgage payments but he refused it because he wanted me and my husband to start from scratch. I felt a bit betrayed by that, but I understood that he wants to help my brother out as well.
Taking the whole world's problem on my shoulders has been something that I have almost been born with. It is high time that I allow myself to let go of this construct that has done a fabulous job at imprisoning me and preventing me to live.
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